Tala, Anyone?
by BillA1
Summary: Synopsis: The sorceress Tala is looking for a new boyfriend and has her sights on Clark.  A Lois and Clark:TNAoS X JLU crossover Story. This is NOT a Smallville future fic.


**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
****Tala, Anyone?  
**A Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman /Justice League Unlimited Story  
by BillA1  
Copyright January 2007  
Rating: (PG)  
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Disclaimer: Superman and all related characters and elements are owned by DC Comics. Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman is owned by December 3rd Productions. This story is intended for my own pleasure and is not for profit. It has been posted to this site for others to read. Places and characters not own by DC Comics are my own creation. This crossover story is based on characters from the Lois & Clark episode: _Tempus, Anyone_ written by John McNamara and the Justice League episode: _Alive!_ written by Matt Wayne.

This crossover story is a sequel to _Formaldehyde and Lilies_.

Note: This is NOT a Smallville futurefic. This story is based on Lois & Clark: TNAOS characters. Familiarization with that series is suggested, but it's not required. Thanks to Merlin Missy for her beta on this story.

Synopsis: The sorceress Tala is looking for a new boyfriend and has her sights on Clark.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**(Three days ago in deep in space, in an alternate reality)

"Lex! Please! I'm begging you!!!"

Tala's pleas fell on deaf ears as Lex answered, "Hold that thought."

In his quest to reconstitute the destroyed Kryptonian computer Brainiac, Lex Luthor had survived an attempted coup by Gorilla Grodd and his followers, ultimately killing them all except for Killer Frost and Tala. For Tala he had special plans. The defeated sorceress would become a mystic conduit by which he'd bring Brainiac back to life.

Now bound spread-eagle and connected to a filtering device of Lex's design, she begged for a mercy that never came. On Lex's command, Toyman pulled the lever that channeled space dust and debris through the trapped woman into a collection chamber below her. When the contacts of the switch closed, Tala's world filled with blinding light and pain.

Unbelievable pain.

At first, she screamed Lex's name. Then the scream became a garble of unintelligible sounds that filled the room above the noise of the energized machinery.

She screamed herself hoarse and then mute as she bruised every muscle in her body struggling against the restraints that held her fast. She'd never known sustained pain like this before as her body convulsed and sweated in the throes of giving birth to the entity Luthor was filtering through her. And because of the pain she couldn't concentrate, she couldn't focus long enough to cast a spell of teleportation to save herself.

She prayed to any deity that would listen: please make her agony end or grant her the release of death.

After what seemed like a lifetime, the pain stopped.

Barely alive, she fought for breath; her position and the close memories of pain made even gasping difficult. Her eyes, glassy and unable to focus, gazed down at her tormentor as she barely heard the booming voice below her say, "Though your world will suffer slowly, I grant _you _a quick death."

Tala closed her eyes and gathered her little remaining strength in the darkness of her mind. She only hoped she wasn't too far away or too weak to survive the journey as she whispered, "_Domus Aurea_."

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**(Our dimension - Clark Kent's Apartment 2 A.M.)

Before Clark woke up, he was sure his dream involved Lois and flying because they always did. But he awoke because he sensed there was something or _someone _in the room with him. He sat up and x-rayed the apartment.

There was no one there. _Just my imagination. _

He'd closed his eyes again when he heard a voice. The sound didn't come from within the room but was in his head and it was as clear as if the person speaking was standing next to him. "I want to be with you, Baby. I need _you_ to protect me."

His head snapped up as the image of a woman with waist-long purple hair and violet eyes looked down at him. As the vision faded, the woman repeated: "Protect me, Superman."

Clark's eyes widened. He remained awake the rest of the night.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**  
(_The Daily Planet_ - 9 A.M.)

Clark held the elevator door open as Lois stepped out sipping her coffee. He followed.

"It was so strange," he said softly. "I heard a voice asking for help ... maybe it was protection ... and then I saw a face. Then she was gone." He stopped. "It was so weird."

Lois smiled. "It was probably a bad dream. A bit of underdone potato, as it were."

Clark didn't return her smile. "Maybe you're right. Anyway, I gave your mom Lana's address for the wedding invitations."

Lois' expression flattened and Clark stopped. "You _did_ say it was okay, remember?"

She remembered. It was only yesterday that Tempus had shown her a reality where Clark was engaged to Lana and he was miserable. She knew Lana wasn't competition. Before she could say anything, Jimmy rushed up to them both. "C.K.! You won't believe what just happened. A woman just appeared at your desk saying she was waiting for you."

Lois' eyes widened as she glanced at Clark. "Oh? Someone _else _to invite to the wedding?"

Jimmy grinned. "Don't know about that, Lois, but that's not the cool thing. She's floating ... really floating next to C.K.'s desk."

"Floating?"

The three hurried over to Clark's desk. Most of the _Planet _staff had already gathered around the scantily-dressed, barefoot woman, floating in the lotus position next to Clark's desk. Clark pulled Lois aside. "That's her. That's the woman I saw."

"The woman of your dreams has purple hair? And I thought you had good taste."

The floating woman opened her closed eyes as the trio approached and looked disappointed, Lois thought.

The woman looked directly at Clark, floated next to him and said, "Are you the one who sits in this chair at nine o'clock?"

Clark's eyes narrowed. "Who are you?"

"Tala!" the woman answered in a heavy accent that Lois couldn't quite place. "I ask again: are you the one who sits in this chair at nine o'clock?"

Clark nodded. "I am."

Lois grabbed Clark's arm. "Clark?"

He turned to Lois. "Let's see what she wants." He turned back to Tala and repeated: "I sit in that chair."

Tala's look of disappointment deepened. "Oh. I thought you'd be bigger." She stopped floating and stood next to Clark. "We will go to your place, Baby." She waved her hand in front of her and seized Clark's arm.

There was a white flash of light and both Tala and Clark disappeared.

"Clark!!" Lois screamed

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**(Clark's apartment)

It took Clark a few seconds to realize he was back at his apartment. "How'd we get here?" he asked.

"Magic, Superman," Tala answered as she walked around Clark's living room. She wiped her finger on his coffee table as if she was looking for dust. "You don't dust, do you?"

"Superman? You called me Superman. You have me confused with someone else," Clark readjusted his glasses and tightened his tie.

Tala shook her head and walked back to Clark. "My spell took me to where Superman would sit at nine o'clock." She paused, touching her chin. "You don't look much like _my _Superman, but you are the Superman of this world and I need your help."

Clark frowned. "This world? I'm not sure I can help you. My name is Clark Kent, but perhaps I can contact Superman for you if you'll tell me what this is all about."

Tala frowned, shaking her head. "I have _not _had a good week. Why do you persist in denying what I know?" Her voice rose as she commanded, "Deny no more!" She raised her arms and waved them in front of her. A huge bolt of electrical energy struck Clark in the chest. The bolt threw him backwards and into his kitchen, burning away his shirt and coat, exposing his "S" insignia.

Tala shrugged. "If you were not Superman, you'd be dead now."

Clark stood, his clothing tattered and smoking. He glared at the woman as he removed his glasses and spun into his Superman suit.

Tala rapidly moved toward him, stopping when she was less than a foot away. She leaned toward him and traced the "S" on his chest. "I want you to protect me."

Superman stepped back and held her at arm's length. His face hardened. "Protect you?" He paused remembering the image of his smothering clothing. "You have a strange way of asking for help. Who do you want me to protect you from?"

Tala looked into his eyes and smiled. "From myself, darling."

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**  
(_Daily Planet_)

Perry was stunned like everyone else in the newsroom. He rushed to Lois' side. "I'm sure Clark's okay," he offered. Lois wasn't buying it. She looked angrier than Elvis did when they told him they'd run out of bananas for his peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

"Yeah," Jimmy offered. "It's not like she's an alien who abducted C.K. to make him her sex slave or anything."

If Perry's eyes could have burned a hole in the boy, they would have. "Jimmy, go make yourself useful. She called herself Tala. See what you can dig up on her. I want any and all records." He turned to Lois. "Clark can take care of himself. You know that. Right?"

Lois didn't answer, but instead spun on her heels, growling as she turned and headed for the elevator. "Lois!" he called after her.

"She said she was taking Clark to his place," Lois yelled backed as she got into the elevator. "And that's where I'm going. Page me if you hear anything."

As he watched the elevator close, Perry said to himself. "Wonder if Jimmy was right about the sex slave thing."

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**  
(Clark's apartment)

"So your spell took you out of danger in your dimension and brought you here."

Tala sat next to Superman on his couch. She'd told him everything that had happened to her in the other dimension, but not everything she'd done. There was no need to put all the cards on the table yet.

"The spell was supposed to take me to a place of safety." She looked away and took a deep breath. "I guess there was nowhere safe in my dimension," she said sadly. Then she brightened as she added, "But I am here now, darling, and I want to be with you."

Superman stood. "From what you've said, I think you were one of the bad guys in your dimension. Why would you want to be with me?"

Tala arose and made sure she stood as close to him as possible. "I'm just misunderstood, Baby, because I keep backing the wrong pony. First, it was Felix Faust, then my boss at Cadmus, then Gorilla Grodd and then Lex." She sighed. "They were all ... bad choices."

"Gorilla Grodd? 'Gorilla' was his nickname, right?"

"No, darling. He was a gorilla named Grodd." She shrugged her shoulders at Superman's look of disbelief. "It was a phase I was in," she continued. "But it showed me the ways of my error. I have to stop having boyfriends who try to kill me."

Superman nodded. "That's probably a good idea."

Tala glared at him for a moment, then her expression flattened. The man in front of her was the most powerful man on the planet. _We won't make him angry._

She sat down again knowing he would do the same. "I have chance for a new start here," she continued. "And you, big boy, can help me ... and I can help you."

Superman looked at her but didn't sit down. In fact he moved further away. "Tala, I think you can best help me by going back to your own dimension."

Tala jumped up. Her voice rose. "No! That Lex tried to kill me. Your Lex is in prison doing double life sentences." She smiled and held up two fingers. "To be served consecutively ... I read it in your paper. This is the perfect place for me and with me as your woman, I can make you very happy."

Superman's eyes widened. "I'm flattered, Tala, but I already _have _a woman in my life and we are -" He stopped as he heard a key in the lock. "About to have a visitor."

A woman burst through the door and upon seeing Superman exclaimed. "Cla ... Superman?" She looked at Tala then back to Superman. "Superman. I was looking for Clark."

Superman smiled as the woman crossed the distance to him in nothing flat. "It's okay, Lois. Tala kinda burned the truth off of me." Lois shot a glare at Tala, but Superman nodded. "It's okay."

"This is your woman?" Tala asked. "She is ... small."

"What?" Lois exclaimed before Superman could say anything. "Small? Small! I'll show you small - you fashion deprived -"

Tala sat down and tuned the screechy little woman out. "I want you to go back to where I first saw you. You are not woman enough for him." She waved her hand and Lois disappeared in a bright light.

In a red and blue blur, Superman grabbed Tala by her shoulders and lifted her off the sofa. "What did you do to her?"

Tala tried to smile, but couldn't. She wondered if she'd made another bad choice in boyfriends. "Relax, darling. She's fine. At this moment, she is standing beside your chair at the newspaper. In this dimension," she added helpfully. _Most likely. _

She frowned. "But she looks like the type who will not take 'no' for an answer." She paused. "Tell me, Baby, how do you feel about bunnies? She'd make a nice pet rabbit, wouldn't she? Or a coat if you prefer."

Superman put her down. "You are _not _to do anything to her, understand? Bring her - " He stopped just like the last time, but this time turned his attention to his window. "I gotta go. A bank alarm just went off."

Tala smiled. "Oooh, a job for Superman. I will go with you."

Superman shook his head and frowned. He folded his arms across his chest. "You bring Lois back here now and you both stay here until I get back. Understand?"

"Yes, darling," Tala nodded as Superman zoomed out the window in a blur. Then he streaked back into the room and said, "And you will not turn her into anything, understood?"

He disappeared again as Tala answered sadly, "Oh, poop."

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**(_Daily Planet_)

"Mister White's not going to like this," Jimmy muttered to himself as he walked by Clark's desk. He'd not been able to find anything on a woman named Tala. As he was thinking of how to couch this news to his boss, there was a flash of light and suddenly Lois was standing next to him.

"Broom rider!" Lois shouted. Jimmy stared as Lois stopped and looked around. Her facial expression ran the gamut of amazement, shock and then anger as she realized she was back at the _Daily Planet_.

Jimmy was sure the scream that Lois let loose with could be heard in Gotham. She stomped her feet in frustration. "I'll kill that purple clown."

Jimmy hesitated, knowing he was taking his life in his own hands. "Uh, Lois? I thought you went to Clark's place." Jimmy immediately regretted speaking as soon as Lois melted him with her gaze.

Lois took a deep breath, frowned and headed to the elevator. "So did I, but Witch Hazel had other thoughts."

Jimmy followed. "I couldn't find anything on a 'Tala.'"

"Oh, there's going to be something soon, Jimmy, really soon. Her obituary and I'm going to write it." She repeatedly pressed the elevator button.

Jimmy would swear on his deathbed that he'd actually seen smoke coming out of Lois' ears at that moment. "Wow, Lois, I don't think I've seen you --- " There was another flash of light as Lois disappeared in front of him. " --- this mad before."

The elevator door opened. Jimmy turned, heading for Perry White's office. "I can't wait to read _this _story."

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**(Clark's apartment)

"Will you stop it? I. AM. NOT. A. YO-YO!" Lois shouted when she realized she was back in Clark's apartment. There was a part of Lois that said: be careful because the purple woman could send her someplace _really _bad. But Lois wasn't going to listen to that part of herself today. She very rarely did. She stepped up to Tala. "Where's Superman?"

The witch had been seated on Clark's couch. She stood as Lois approached. "He went to fight a bank alarm. He said for us to wait here." The purple woman walked to Clark's refrigerator and opened it. She looked back at Lois. "You like carrots?"

"Carrots?"

The woman closed the refrigerator. "You know. Like the bunny rabbits eat."

Lois frowned. "No. Why?"

"Aw, too bad," the woman answered as she moved toward Clark's bedroom. Lois started to follow her but thought better of it. The witch stood at the doorway and then turned around and sat down on the couch again. "So what's he like?"

Lois' eyes widened. "Like? What's who like?"

She pointed back to the bedroom. "You know. Superman. In the bed."

Lois shook her head. "That's none of your business, is it?"

The woman's eyes narrowed. She assumed the lotus position and slowly rose the air. Lois contemplated that she should've listened to the other side of herself after all as the woman pointed her finger at her and said, "Reveal the hidden unto me."

Lois' whole body shivered as if she'd dived into a pool of ice water. Just as quickly as it had come, the sensation was gone. "Oh, I see," the witch said standing as she smiled at Lois. "You don't know." She paused. "Sure you don't like carrots? How do you feel about celery?"

There was a swoosh and suddenly Superman stood between the two women. "No. She doesn't like celery," he said putting his arm round Lois.

"What's all this talk about rabbit food?" Lois asked.

"That's just what it is. It's talk about rabbit food," Superman said as Lois realized the discussion was really about her. Her jaw dropped as Superman turned to the woman. "Tala, Lois and I are together. We're going to be married next week. I know that you'll find someone in this dimension who will make you happy."

"Someone fond of nearly naked women in purple," Lois added. "That should cover about half of Metropolis, I think."

Tala frowned. "You will make a nice grey bunny and if you don't watch it, probably a better stew."

"No more rabbits," Superman snapped. His tone softened as he said, "Wasn't there anyone in the other dimension who liked you and treated you right?"

Tala was quiet for a moment. "There was," she said hesitantly, "someone. Flash swapped brains with Lex. He was so loving, attentive and ..." Tala fell silent again.

Lois cleared her throat. "You know, Tala, there's a Flash in Central City. Maybe he's like _your _Flash."

"Lois!" Superman frowned.

"What?" Lois answered defiantly. "Just trying to help the girl move on with her life."

"Flash?" Tala nodded. "Yes. The Flash. In Central City." She levitated and kissed Clark on the cheek, then nodded toward Lois as she said to him, "When you want a woman worthy of you, call me." Then she vanished in a flash of white light.

Lois and Superman both stood silently, staring at where Tala had stood moments before. Lois sighed. "Are there any more whackos out there left for us to meet before our wedding?"

Clark walked back to his bedroom without answering her question and selected a change of clothing. Lois followed. She stood at his bedroom door and watched as he spun into his "Clark" clothes. As he put his glasses on he said, "You know that wasn't a nice thing you did, sending her to the Flash."

"Would you rather she'd stay here?"

Clark shook his head as he and Lois walked to his front door. They were at the door when Clark stopped, turned back, and went into his kitchen. Lois watched as he opened his refrigerator, closed it and reappeared holding two stalks of celery.

"All this talk of rabbit food made me hungry," he said as he bit into one of the stalks. He offered the other to Lois and grinned. "Celery, Bugs?"

Lois smirked as she took the celery and said, "Come on, Elmer. Let's get the Fudd out of here."

Clark groaned as he locked the door behind them and headed for her car.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**(Central City Police Laboratory)

Barry Allen raised his head from his microscope. "Julio, I think we've got a match. Want to check this?"

Julio nodded, put his notes away and slid down to Barry's station. He looked into the microscope and nodded again. "That's definitely a match. This puts the Black Rose gang at that bank robbery for sure."

Barry made a note in the lab computer. Suddenly there was a bright light and Barry spun around on his stool only to see a barefoot woman with long purple hair standing in front of him. The woman smiled as she grabbed his arm and said, "Hello, darling."

END


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